circle of friends

Today I went out with my girlfriends to lunch to celebrate the birthday of one of my closest friends. It was a bittersweet event because this friend - who I also work with - is going to be leaving her job shortly. My friend is really sweet, and, as a person who was adopted, has been very supportive of my husband and I as we walk this adoption path.

I'm really going to miss her.

Infertility has made me stop and consider all of my relationships. The relationships that I thought would be the most supportive have turned out to be the least supportive and miracle friends have come up out the shadows to carry me through some of the most difficult days of my life.

I am just so grateful. 

Last night I had an appointment with my counselor and for a moment at the end of my session we were talking about how infertility has changed my life. I told her that in many ways I'm grateful for the way that infertility has "woken me up" to real life. I've realized how important strong relationships are - and that they take work and nurturing. My marriage has become stronger and my relationship with my husband has greater depth. I'm trying very hard to learn not to take things so personally. Infertility has made me vulnerable in so many ways - I do wish that some of the women in my life who can't or won't recognize my struggle would reach out to me - but that hasn't happened. Now it's my choice to decide how to manage those relationships. It's all about boundaries, baby.

This struggle with some of my closest relationships makes me sad - and it makes the holidays hard - that's why I'm so grateful for friends that care for me. Being a good friend requires me to set down my burdens and gripes of the moment and support others in my circle with their stuff. Sometimes it's good to take a break from myself and wish others well. To sing happy birthday. To be a friend.

Infertility can make a person very self absorbed. It's exhausting.

My husband is always telling me to just relax now. We have a plan in place and the rest is up to God. I know that's true, I just worry. Today I stopped worrying so much and I had a little fun. In the years ahead I want to be a good mom and I want to be a good friend.

I pray I can be both.

Jill

(Image above: Heavy Words art print.)

good to go

2,000 miles in four days. From Minneapolis, Minnesota to Knoxville, Tennessee. We were blessed with clear roads and no car trouble.

And a clean bill of health and a thumbs up from Dr. K to start moving forward with our embryo adoptions and transfer in March 2015.

We feel so blessed right now. I'm tired with a bit of a stiff neck from driving all day, but I know that we are so very blessed to be getting the opportunity to pursue embryo adoption. Dr. K said that my lining and body responded well to the mock cycle protocol so now all that's left for me is to finish up my medication for this cycle month and then prepare myself physically. mentally and spiritually for this our upcoming cycle in March.

I'm sure that the time will fly by as we are matched with donor families and as we prepare for my husband's possible deployment. It will be a whirlwind as we try to prepare our home and families, file taxes, complete our home study renewal and just survive the rest of the holidays and New Year.

I feel kinda guilty because my Christmas will be in March this year - that's pretty much my mindset.

And in other news: CONGRATULATIONS to all you ladies with positive beta results. So happy, happy, happy for you all.

Blurg. Dirty laundry and the rest of the work week awaits . . . time to dig into it.

XOXO

Jill