the hard road of infertility

Here we are: stuck in the rut of infertility.

Some days I am optimistic (the days that I'm not reminded about what I know I'm missing out on) and other days - other days are hard days to get through.

Where to start? First of all, if you are reading this post thank you for stopping by. I have been blogging for years (I have had a creative living blog since 2009) but the need for complete animosity to just spill my guts and be open to the pain of infertility has made me come here - to this new space - to talk about the pain and the joys of my life.

Here' our infertility timeline:

•  November 2009 - My first date with (soon to be) husband. After years of searching for that special someone we felt truly blessed to have found one another. My husband had just signed up for the National Guard, so the first few years we had to navigate his training schedule and our developing relationship. 

•  January 2012 - Our Wedding! One of our main priorities was a family, we knew we were going to start trying soon. I landed a new job, he landed a new job, we refinanced our house and then started trying for a family in the late Summer of 2012. 

•  Holidays 2012 - Still caught up in baby-making bliss . . . no worries at this point. 

• January 2013 - we both turn 34 this year . . . starting to get a bit worried about our fertility. My identical twin sister and her husband have announced they are pregnant with their second child. My cycles have always been on track and I feel that everything should be okay with me. 

• My husband finds out his unit is going to be deployed to Kuwait in April 2014.

• March 2013 - a high school friend of mine who struggled with infertility (PCOS - second child born after two clomid cycles) told me to get our butts to the doctor and not to wait any longer. On average most healthy couples will get pregnant after 5 months of trying, and if you're in your 30's and have been trying for over 6 months with no luck go and see a doctor.

• April 2013 - Our first visit with an OB/Gyn fertility specialist. At this point my husband confesses that he has had struggles with his bladder in the past. We discover after several appointments with an Urologist that he has a bladder neck issue. (Uncomfortable to live with, but this shouldn't be effecting our fertility.)

• My husband's sister announces she is pregnant.

• May 2013 - Full range of fertility tests on my husband and myself. My results are encouraging, nothing major seems to be wrong and I have a strong ovarian reserve. The results for my husband are more negative. We are looking at Male Factor Infertility - low sperm count (20 million) motility (50%) and morphology (2%). Our doctor suggests that if we want to get pregnant within the next year to go with injectable drugs for me and a sperm donor. We want a second opinion.

• June 2013 - I decided (after a bunch of reading) that we need to be seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist. We switch clinics to the U of MN Reproductive Medicine Center. Our doctor recommends IUI. 

• June 2013 - Failed IUI #1

• July 2013 - Failed IUI #2

• My husband finds out he's being transferred to a new unit - thank God - no deployment.

• July 2013 - We visit a Urologist who specializes in Male Factor Infertility and discover that my husband has mild/moderate varicose veins on his testicles. Suggested treatment: surgery to remove.

• September 2013 - Failed IUI #3

• My cousin announces she is pregnant. 

• October 2013 - We start looking into adoption.

• November 2013 - Varicocele Surgery for my husband - a tough week for him. We now have a 3 month freeze on any fertility treatments while we wait to see if the surgery will help with his numbers, etc.

• December 2013 - Our nephew is born. My husband's sister and brother-in-law are not sympathetic to our infertility and are very hurt that we are not celebrating with them as they think we should be. On top of the holidays this is a lot of stress and sorrow (for us) to take. 

• Holidays 2013 - Complete hell. Cousins pregnant on all sides - can't stand their pity and complete ignorance about infertility. We will later learn that another one of my cousins is pregnant at that time, but they don't want to say anything because we are there.

• February 2014 - Failed IUI #4

• Another nephew is born - I get my period that day.

• March 2014 - Failed IUI #5 - Donor sperm and 50mg dose of clomid on days 3 - 7. I felt that I ovulated early on this cycle. One huge egg, ready to burst on day 10. We were too late for the insemination. 

• April 2014 - Failed IUI #6 - Donor sperm and 100mg dose of clomid on days 3 -7. Three good-sized eggs (early again) insemination on day 12, all blood work good. My period was late this month, but all pregnancy tests negative. What in the heck is going on? After another appointment with blood work we discover that I didn't ovulate with the clomid, ovidrel trigger shot etc. I ovulated ten days after the day of the insemination. This is a strange reaction to clomid and ovidrel - they give you this schpeel that it's 99.9% proven that you will ovulate. Not me! Three huge cysts are found on my right ovary and now I'm out of the "game" until my cycle levels out. 

• May - June 2014 Acupuncture and Detox tea to bring my cycle back to normal. We are completing the steps to start IVF in August or early September. 

• September Egg Retrieval - only 4 eggs. 3 immature - none fertilized normally. Nothing to work with. 

• December 2014 - First visit at the NEDC in Tennessee. Approved to move forward with program.

• December 2014 - We put our domestic adoption on hold.

• January 2015 birthday number 36.

• February 2015 - we adopt our embryos - five beautiful blasts. 

• March 2015 - FET in Tennessee.  God is good!

•  Healthy baby boy born November 2015.

• Summer/Fall 2016 start the embryo adoption process again/adopt more embryos 

• November 2016 FET# in Tennessee. Successful!
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• Baby girl due late July 2017

We have been blessed with hope and a family.

Prayers to you all struggling to walk down this path. Please pray for us too!

XOXO

Jillian