36 weeks

 (T-minus 3 weeks 3 days and counting until due date. )

Isn't it funny how in the beginning we're all like I'm 4 weeks 4 days and 3 hours pregnant - now I'm like - It's this many nanoseconds until my due date :)

This week has been crazy at work. I've been putting in 9-10 hour days and then just coming home and crashing in the evening. Luckily, that schedule is done as of this past Friday. I told my manager and team that I'm going to start to slow down. I have two more full weeks scheduled and then I'm taking PTO for most of the days of Thanksgiving week.

I'm feeling pretty awkward and tired, but still really positive and grateful for all of these emotions. Every time I see my big belly in the mirror I'm just blown away. Wow this is you! Wow you're going to get to be a mom! Wow! You got to adopt an embryo from a wonderful family, take a bunch of tests, take a bunch of hormones, get shots in the butt twice a day for months, travel across the country, thaw out your little baby, get him put in your uterus, prayed and prayed and prayed and - IT WORKED! We're going to have a son in somewhere around three weeks. 

It's amazing, but sometimes I catch myself taking for granted that I'm pregnant and then I have to remind myself of all the miracles that just fell in line this past year for my husband and I to get to experience this. It's stunning.

I'm now going to weekly check-ups with my OB. This past Tuesday she said my cervix was soft and I was about 30-40% effaced. My body could sit like this for weeks, so I didn't get too excited.

Baby boy is really stretched out in my body. I can feel him kicking up by my ribs and feel his head rubbing down low against my bladder. This lower area has been feeling more tender these past few days. Maybe he's settling down for his final descent in the next few weeks? Hope so. He can't stay up there forever.

I had a baby shower with my side of the family a few weeks ago, but didn't post anything because my sister took all of the pictures and she hasn't gotten them to me yet. For those of you that have been following me from the beginning you know that I've had problems with both my in-laws and my own family during this process.

Counseling, a lot of souls searching and reading has helped me set more healthy boundaries with my in-laws, so we're doing pretty good, but I'm still struggling with my twin sister. Some people were asking about our labor approach at this last shower and I said that hubby and I had taken a class and felt ready to face the big day together. I said that I was going to try to doing things without drugs and proceed from there.

My sister was instantly on top of me saying: "You need someone there." (She's a nurse.) I said thanks, but that I thought hubby and I could handle it. That seemed to be the end of the it. I called her a few days after the shower to thank her for all her hard work and tell her how much I appreciated it. She was distant and I could tell something was up, finally she launched into how I didn't know anything about medicine and how labor was going to be extremely painful.

Long story short, my sister said some very cruel things to me during my infertility struggles (i.e. like you're never going to have a baby - again and again.) Even though we're identical twins and she had just been pregnant within the same year - hello! my body had just as much of a chance as hers did to conceive . . .so husband and I decided we didn't want a person like her in the room with us when we meet baby boy for the first time.

We went back and forth on the phone and then she hung up on me and now we haven't spoken for two weeks.

This just makes me feel really, really sad.

My sister has a lot of issues, but she won't talk to anyone, won't read anything and basically won't discuss how her attitudes are destroying our relationship. I wish we had a healthier relationship and I'm willing to meet her halfway, but she won't budge an inch.

I'm really hoping we see some sort of traction before baby boy arrives. I really treasure the visits I made to my sister when she had her baby girls - it was at the start of our infertility struggle and I was always nothing but happy for her.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Prayers to you on your journey!

xo Jill