I've been back to work this week. It keeps my mind off things, so that's good. I'm so happy for all of those girls that I was pacing my IVF with - it looks like you are all pregnant.
More joy in the world. You deserve it.
I'm waiting for the paper work from the National Embryo Donation Center so that we can get the ball rolling with our embryo adoption. It helps that we have a current home study. It also helps that I'm current on some of the tests that the clinic requires.
If my cards land just the right way, I could be doing my first FET in January 2015. If the timing is off and we have problems with appointment schedules and approvals that date could push back to March 2015.
More waiting. waiting. waiting.
But I have hope.
Our clinic is giving us a 25% discount for our failed IVF . . . we're getting this because of the fact that I insisted on talking to the doctor on day that I had that first bad ultrasound. The day it looked like I had only five follicles. I asked if she thought we would even get one mature egg. I'm glad I asked and voiced my concern. My husband and I will apply the refund (around $2,880.00) to our upcoming treatments.
During this hard time I've discovered a source of inner strength and hope that I didn't know that I had in me. I believe even more firmly that I will be a mom some day soon. There's a quote that goes something like: "When hope becomes too hard, it has to turn to faith." So I have faith.
Our rescue dog (Bree) has been a huge blessing during this time of sadness in our life. She is one furry, soft, wriggling mass of pure love and adoration. She loves us!
Thinking about you all.
Jillian
I have hope (and faith) for you too. Good on your for finding reserves of strength in this devastating time. There will be a time for us both when it comes true. Maybe not without a lot of patience and tenacity, but it is coming. Big hugs to you, Jill.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy you advocated for yourself and they are giving you some consultation for what sounds to be a bad decision on their part. Hopefully that will make the stress of monitoring a little more bearable when you don't have to swipe your card at every appointment! :) Good luck with getting set up with the NEDC!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you were able to get some money back from your IVF! Also, I'm excited to read about your embryo adoption. That is still an option for us as well. I wouldn't be able to carry our baby as we would have to use a surrogate but it is in our list of options. And Thank Goodness for dogs, they sure are a big comfort when you are sick, worn out, stressed, sad etc... they just know. I can't wait until I can adopt us a new family pet member :) Good Luck with everything!
ReplyDeleteHi Jillian, I just caught up on several of your most recent posts today, and first let me say, I’m very, very sorry you had such bad luck. So much about this process really and truly sucks, so I won’t sit here and pretend it doesn’t. If I was reading correctly, that was your first IVF cycle, correct? I don’t want to overstep my boundaries here, but if you want your own biological child I would certainly not say you are out of this just because one IVF cycle was a bust. Doctors get the protocol wrong all the time, after all, this isn’t an exact science. I was so angry after our first was cancelled and then our second resulted in so few eggs. I mean, I was really devastated, but we chanced the protocol and I got twice as many eggs. I think too much Lupron was my problem, forcing the eggs to stick within the follicles. Regardless though, there are tons of reasons why an IVF cycle can go awry. I’m sad for you, but shocked you’re going to embryo adoption already, although I certainly understand that we all have different agendas and reasons and feelings for how we go about taking home our bundle of joy. I just wanted to point out that of all the stories of successful IVF I’ve read about over the past year, very, very few were a result of one cycle. You’re not out of this; I’ll be praying for you, that you find peace and success in whichever route to motherhood you decide :)
ReplyDeleteHi Stef:
DeleteThanks so much for your kind and honest comment. We had looked into embryo adoption through "Snowflakes" before we decided to do IVF - we thought the fees at "Snowflakes" were high and wanted to see how we would do with IVF. We're also okay with having a child that is not biologically related to us - we are currently trying to adopt and our homestudy is written for an infant - 3 month old . . . so even if we were lucky enough to have a biological child - it would have an adopted sibling. The drugs, monitoring and complete randomness of an IVF cycle are more than I can or want to handle emotionally. I'm also going to be turning 36 in January . . . so my eggs are getting a bit old! Oi! So this is something we've been thinking about in our hearts for a long time . . . I think God is nudging us in that direction. I hope I'm hearing him correctly - I don't want to rant about Embryo Adoption in six months time. Thanks again for sharing my journey!
I am so so happy for you and pray for all good things in your future!
DeleteI'm truly sorry your cycle didn't work. This process is so hard and I wish you the best of luck.
ReplyDeleteHi Jillian,
ReplyDeleteThinking about you and you feel a bit more recovered and more calm. With lots of love,
Weylin