she's here!

Our baby girl, Cora, arrived on July 31, 2017 at 6:17 am!

(I'm sorry that I'm so late in posting this. Chasing after a toddler and nursing this newborn have kept me quite busy. I've had this post saved in draft form for a few days because every time I tried to update and post it my son would run into the room and want to jab at every button on my computer - so then I had to hide my computer.)

We are so thankful for our embryo donors and embryo adoption. I can't write it enough! When I look at my kids I'm just stunned with thankfulness! Our journey to become a family is a miracle.

I got my VBAC! I went into labor in the early hours of July 30. I went back to sleep and called my mother in the morning to pick up Logan and bring him to her house. That being done the only thing my husband and I worried about for the rest of that day (Sunday) was keeping my labor going and stocking up the house for the new baby.

By midday Sunday I was having contractions every 10 minutes or so, they progressed to become 5 minutes apart at around 5 pm. I got in the tub. I thought the contractions were pretty strong, but when we called our doula and she dropped in she said that they could get a lot stronger and she stayed with us and helped my labor progress.

I didn't know that labor naturally intensifies in the evening, but that makes sense. My contractions continued to pick up and get stronger between 5-7 pm. At that point they were 3 minutes apart. My doula had me walk around the block and swing my legs in a half moon in front of me pivoting from my hip joint. She also rubbed my feet with clary sage and jasmin and put some clary sage on a cotton ball and had me inhale it as I walked. By the time we made it around the block my contractions had doubled in intensity.

I then sat on the birth ball and let the contractions keep coming. With each contraction my doula pressed on a pressure point in my lower leg and my husband pressed on a pressure point in my hand. She then had me walk up and down the stairs - doing the same time of movement with my legs that I had done on my walk around the block. At this point it was after 11 pm and I was just howling with each contraction and trying to breath.

Sometime after 11 I felt the urge to push. I sat through a few contractions on the toilet and then we headed to the hospital. (Which was only 7 minutes away.)

At check-in I was 4 centimeters, but the time we made it to the room and I got an epidural I was 6 centimeters. I had my bloody show between getting into bed and getting the epidural. A few hours after I got the epidural the Dr. broke my bag of waters because I wasn't progressing.

At that point everything went into hyperdrive. My body started shaking and I was fully dilated a few hours after my waters had been broken.

I pushed for a few hours and we started to see her head, but due to the fact that her heart rate was going down the Dr. wanted to use forceps if I couldn't get her out in a few more pushes. I tried a few times and then let the Dr. use the forceps. Out she came - beautiful and perfect and howling to beat the band.

Her cord was wrapped around her neck 2 times.

There wasn't a mark on her from the forceps. (I on the other hand needed a few stitches.)

So that's our birth story. It worked out for the best! Healthy baby and healthy mommy.

I'm holding her now and she's nursing like a champ.

Praying for all of you on this journey.

xo Jill

37 weeks

It's a quiet Sunday morning and my little man (now almost 20 months old) is sleeping in - despite the fact our sheltie raised the roof at 6:20 a.m. to alert us that a neighbor was walking his dog down the sidewalk in front of our house.

We have all been doing very well.

Baby girl is measuring right on track and is kicking and squirming what feels like all the time - especially at night!

I'm currently 37 weeks 3 days pregnant. With my son I went into labor at 38 weeks five days. Because of that fact everyone's bags are packed. Baby girl's diaper bag is packed for the hospital. Son's bag is packed for grandma and grandpa's house. My bag is open with some items in it - and ready to be tossed full of stuff at the last minute when we get ready to leave for the hospital.

This time around we hired a doula to help with my labor.

I've also been doing spinning baby exercises to try to ensure baby is in the optimal position for delivery. She's head down, but I'm hoping she's facing my spine when I deliver. (She was in that position at my last ultrasound - but babies shift all the time.)

Son was sunny side up and that could have been one of the contributing factors to my 59 hour labor with him and unplanned c-section.

We're hoping for a VBAC, but want a healthy baby most of all, so we're just trying to do everything we can to tip the odds toward a vaginal delivery.

It's been a hot weekend around here. We stayed inside all day yesterday I got a lot of housework done. I'm in hyper clean mode. I washed the interior side of the windows and cleaned out some of the kitchen cupboards.

I tossed a bunch of the supplements that my husband and I took 4-5 years ago when we started our journey toward our babies - I can't believe how many bottles there were! It's nice to chuck them and forget about them!

It's nice that infertility treatments are not taking up so much space in my mind anymore!

Prayers to all of you on this journey! (Hope you get to chuck the supplements very soon!)

xoxo JILL

19 weeks - baby girl!

We had a level two ultrasound yesterday that went great. We found out that we are having a baby girl. I was stunned. I really thought we were having another boy, but I'm over the moon to have a daughter.

When we had our ultrasound for our son I saw his penis right away. This time I didn't see that, so I wasn't surprised when the ultrasound nurse told us about 3/4 of the way through the exam that she was a girl. I'm so excited!!

I'm so grateful that she's looking healthy and strong. Embryo adoption has changed our lives. It is such a precious thing to be able to be pregnant with our children.

Sending prayers to all of you on this journey,

Jill

12 weeks

[Fit Pregnancy says the baby is the size of a jelly donut hole]

:) :) :) :)

Going on 12 weeks here.

Things have been going good. I have my final blood draw tomorrow to confirm that I can finally stop my PIO shots. I'm really looking forward to that.

I had my first appointment with my OB yesterday. I got to hear the baby's heartbeat. She found it right away.

It's the first time I've heard it this pregnancy!

I attempted to go to a midwife for this pregnancy, but she said that her practice did not take on patients who are on lovenox, so I decided to go back to the OB and practice that I went to with my son and I actually felt really happy and safe to be there.

I was told that I can try for a VBAC and that I will be monitored more closely in my third trimester because I'm on blood thinners.

So far so good!

I'm starting to feel a little less tired and I think I've already felt baby bumping around in there.

Praying for you all on this journey.

xo Jill

9 weeks

Merry belated Christmas!! And Happy New Year!

We made it through Christmas. We saw both sides of our families. It was a joyful and exhausting experience.

Logan is right at the age where he doesn't like to sit still and gets into absolutely everything. None of the houses we were at were baby proofed. So one of us was always chasing after the baby and making him put down whatever breakable he currently had in hand.

How lucky I am to get to chase after my baby.

We are 9 weeks pregnant today.

We had an ultrasound on Tuesday that went good. Baby was measuring right on track if not even a little a head. The baby had a heart rate of 147. My doctor refuses to use the stronger ultrasound that will calculate the heart rate automatically so we all spent twenty seconds staring at the ultrasound screen counting the baby's flickering heartbeat. Then we all tried to do the math in our heads for what the actual heart rate was. It was moving for me to calculate such an important number. The number of times my baby's heart was beating in that minute.

I've been throwing up and gagging pretty much every day. Yesterday I barfed on the street corner while waiting for the light to turn. It was in the AM and still dark so I don't think anyone saw me.

I'm starting to show a little bit - either that or I'm really bloated. With my first pregnancy I really didn't start to show until 12-13 weeks.

Praying for all of you on this journey.

xo Jill

7 week 1 day ultrasound

This past Friday we had our first ultrasound and we saw one perfect baby just where it was supposed to be with a strong heartbeat. My doctor did not run the heart rate part of the ultrasound, because he said if he could see the heart beating nice and strong he didn't want to blast our tiny baby with more intense ultrasound waves. So we didn't get a heart rate. But I did get to see this little one's heart flickering on the screen. It was surreal.

I'm currently 7 weeks 4 days pregnant and I'm really feeling it. I've just been so so worn out and I've had some minor uterine tenderness a sore back and just PMS symptoms in general all weekend long.

I think I'm worn out because my husband is home and I've been staying up longer than I was when he was gone to just hang out with him, but it's become pretty obvious that I should just go to bed when our son does.

So that's what I'm doing tonight. I'm writing this update in my PJs.

Thank you everyone for your prayers and well wishes!

We have another ultrasound in a week, then we will get released to my regular baby doctor.

Prayers to all of you on this journey.

xo Jill

6 weeks 2 days

The early part of week six has been exhausting!

I'm a single mom for two weeks because my husband is away for some training and we've been sick. First it was head cold and a cough, then I got the call from daycare on Monday afternoon that my son was throwing up. Yup, stomach flu for my one year old.

That night he woke up at 1 am and was crying having rolled in vomit. His entire crib had to be stripped, washed and remade and he needed a bath. Then I ended up with the flu on Tuesday afternoon. I started throwing up and really have not stopped, because all day morning sickness has kicked in. I throw up once or twice a day. Usually in the parking ramp in the morning because I can't stand the smell of the place. (I know it's terrible! I gag all the way to my office.)

So, the week has felt like a marathon.

Then on Friday morning, I started spotting. (I also got some minor, tingly cramps that lasted all day.)
I spotted at this time with my first pregnancy, but this bout was a little more severe. With my son, it was a watery brownish discharge. This time it was a watery pink/red and there was more of it. Not enough to fill a panty liner, but enough to set my frazzled brain on edge. I worked a half day that day and then went home and napped all afternoon before picking my son up from daycare. (I missed out on my office Christmas Party, but I would not have had fun if I stayed.)

It's Saturday night and the spotting has stopped. I'm so grateful! Now I've got heartburn :( :( I'll take that over spotting though.

I guess somewhere around 80% of FET pregnancies experience spotting. I knew it could happen to me again, but you never like to see red when you whip when you're pregnant. Scary. Scary.

I can't wait for my husband to get home because I've been doing way more lifting of my son than I would be doing if he were here. On Friday morning I stood holding him for around 5 minutes, because he was having a rough morning and he just wanted to be held and swayed. I think the extra lifting might be part of the reason for the spotting.

I hope it's gone, never to return this pregnancy!

We have our ultrasound this upcoming Friday - I will be 7 weeks 1 day pregnant.

Every new day I wake up pregnant is a miracle. Thanking God. Please pray for a healthy sustained pregnancy for us and a good ultrasound this week.

Praying for all of you on this journey.

xo Jill

5 weeks

 It's good to have week four behind us.

It was a great week. It contained my son's first birthday and thanksgiving, but the early days of a pregnancy seem very fragile. I was most happy during my first child's pregnancy when I could feel him kick and when I knew he was developing healthy and strong.

Like any other thing we cannot skip ahead but must live out each journey moment by moment.

One sad thing about the early days of this pregnancy for me is that I've been crazy busy with work, so busy I sometimes forget that I'm pregnant. Besides being very, very tired at the end of the day and a few momentary bouts of nausea, I haven't had any other symptoms.

My husband is away for work training for two weeks, so I've been doing the morning and evening injections by myself. I wobble a bit, so the injection sites are more tender than when he does them, so I'm excited for him to come home.

We have our 7 week ultrasound the day after he gets home on December 16.  Praying we see a healthy baby and heartbeat.

Praying for you all on this journey.
 
xoJill

Praise God!

Thank you God!! Blood draw at 7:45 am to confirm this! Grateful for embryo adoption and our donors!

First Beta - 99

xo Jill

6 days past (FET#2)

Symptoms to report:

Midnight to AM - vivid dreams with bouts of insomnia. I dreamt that I was EA baby and that I was meeting my genetic father for the first time. This meeting happened on the dirt road that leads to my grandparents house. My genetic father was also one of our donor fathers. (Very weird.) He was a very nice guy. He asked me to go deep sea fishing.

AM on my morning walk I experienced one of the gagging sessions that I experienced in my first trimester with Logan. My mouth has been very full of spit. Severe bout of chills at work. I put on my winter jacket for several hours. (This happened with Logan.)

Afternoon - not a lot. Tired.

PM - hungry, super thirsty, tired. I have bit of a sore throat and thick mucus at the back of my throat. (I could be getting sick. Logan had a sinus infection last week.) Headache, again, may be my sinuses.

Sorry for the very detail-oriented post. (And then I felt this, and then I felt this.) It helps me to be able to look back and see what I was feeling on each day of my cycle. I like to read other people's posts and see what they were feeling on each day. It's never the same as me!

Crazy head games!!!

Praying for another miracle. 

xo Jill

4 and 5 days past 5 day transfer (FET#2)

I was just rereading our post procedure instructions and realized that we have to test on 11/23 - the day before Logan's birthday and Thanksgiving and I'm feeling a little dismayed. Nothing is going to make me not feel absolutely joyous and grateful on our son's birthday, but if we get back sad results it will be a lot of emotions to process over night.

I know we can do it.

A positive beta would just be so lucky for us. Luck-luck-lucky. 

4 days past 5 day transfer - tired, some pinches and pulls in my uterus. Chills. Very vivid dreams. Insomnia. Hungry in the middle of the night. Tire and get winded easily.

5 days past 5 day transfer - tired, less pinches and pulls in my uterus. Chills. Very vivid dreams. Insomnia. Tire and get winded easily. Hungry in the middle of the night - got up and ate left over pizza.

Beta is on Wednesday. Gah! Scared. Hopeful. Praying!

Not sure what to expect, some of these symptoms are similar to what I felt with Logan, but they are coming on way sooner than what I experienced with Logan.

It's going to be another long week and a stressful pre-dawn Wednesday morning at our house.

Please pray for us and for a positive beta on Wednesday.

xo Jill

3 days past 5 day transfer (FET#2)

We made it home to Minnesota safe! The roads were perfect both ways. We drove straight to my parent's house to pick up Logan. One thing they weren't telling us on the day of our transfer and the day after is that he had quite a cold with a fever. Tuesday and Wednesday he had a high fever and my mom had to give him a bath to get him cooled down, but he was on the mend and happy to see us when we got there on Thursday afternoon.

Lots of smiles and very green snot.

My mom is now sick, so I hope we can avoid catching what he has. He slept between us last night, so we might not be able to avoid it. My mom gave us half a chicken, so I already have chicken noodle soup stock simmering on the stove.

Logan has kept me pretty distracted, but I've still been keeping track of my symptoms.

Transfer day - no symptoms. Sleepy from the meds. I managed to stay on the bed for the full 20 minutes after the transfer, despite the fact that my bladder felt like it was going to explode. We went our for lunch, then back to the hotel for a nap for me. We took a light walk in the afternoon, to keep the blood flowing.

1 days past - first leg of trip home. I felt several twinges and pulls in my uterus. We stopped every two hours to walk around.

2 days past - second leg of trip home. More twinges and pulls, several little pricks. I fell asleep in the car, which is something I never do. We stopped at a beautiful rest stop in Illinois and took a walk around the lake beside it.

3 days past - Vivid dreams about a lady wearing colorful socks and an English mansion house (???) in the am, slept hard even though Logan was fretful and slept with us half the night. Hungry in the morning, despite a huge meal of spaghetti the night before. Both baby and I slept for another 3 hours after hubby went to work.

I've felt a few more twinges today, felt one just a now and felt one faint twinge in my chest. I had lots of those in the late days of my two week wait for Logan.

And another thing, I've been getting the chills. This happened this morning when Logan and I went back to bed. I got three or four cold flashes even though I was snuggled under the covers. This didn't happen until 7 or 8 days past with Logan.

So, I'm still only three days out. I want these days to go by fast and I also want them to stretch out forever, because it's so nice living in this hope.

It was so wonderful meeting our adopted embryos on Tuesday. I have been praying over the embryos from our first donor for over two years and it was so good to see them. They are fighters for sure. Carol, the embryologist, said they looked just average - that's why she thawed the other embryo from our second donors, but I just keep reminding myself that they are fighters to make the thaw and be alive. They are now where they are supposed to be.

(I looked back over my notes from Logan's transfer and he was one of two 3AB and 3AC embryos. The two from our first donors were 4AC and 4CC.)

I'm almost afraid to talk about our third embryo, because it looked perfect. I never thought I'd ever see a 5 AA embryo and that a doctor would be telling me they are transferring it into my uterus - but he/she is in there now! The picture of all our our babies is proudly hanging on the fridge.

God is doing his work in our life. I'm just praying his and my hopes line up.

I have to laugh at that because the plan he's had so far for our life is something I never could have imagined. A perfect plan.

Well, I hear my little guy waking up.

Thank you to our donors and prayers to all of you on this journey.

Please pray for our family!

xo Jill

transfer day :) :) :)

We made it to transfer day - it truly is a miracle.

Remember when I commented in my last post that there was a small amount of fluid in my uterus at my first ultrasound, well it was still there at my ultrasound last Thursday. That is not ideal and it looked like our cycle was in real risk of being cancelled if the fluid was not clear by our ultrasound on 11/14 (which was yesterday.)

To make a long story short we took the risk and drove out to Tennessee to have an ultrasound yesterday - which was clear - but if it had not been we would have had to return to Minnesota (1,000 miles) with an empty womb.

My doctor in Minnesota was pretty sure that the fluid would clear when we introduced progesterone into my protocol. So we came.

Both our cars also broke down last week - can you believe it? The starter went out on our newer car and my husband broke the emergency break on our back-up car (so the warning bell beeps the whole time we drive it.) Our repair man worked late Friday night to fix the starter on the car we wanted to drive to Tennessee, so we got here!

So many people have helped us get this far.

My parents are watching Logan and they've been sending us pictures and videos every day. We can't wait to get home to him.

FET #2 Transfer Details

Three embryos transferred at blast stage. Two from our first donors and one from our second. The two from our first donors were average quality - 4CC and 3AC. The one from our second donors was a beautiful 5AA blast.

There are no more blasts left from our first donor and 10 left from our second donor.

We are praying this is it. We know God has a plan for our family.

Thank you for your prayers. Please pray for a positive beta for us the day after Thanksgiving.

P.S. Our son's first birthday is Thanksgiving Day!

Prayers to all of you on this journey.

Jill

getting close

It's hard to believe we are only 10 days out from our transfer.

Trying for baby number two has been very different than trying for number one - obviously! I'm so busy with our little one and work and our life that I haven't had a lot of time to worry. My heart is also so full and content with our child that the gaping, bleeding hole that was there when we were going through treatment after treatment for our first child (30 months of trying) has healed. The scar is still there, though.  And I'm fearful of failure.

I'm afraid of how I will react if our transfer doesn't work the first time. Or the second time.

While these fears are floating there beneath the surface I've been prayerfully working to build up my faith and put my trust in God. I keep on telling myself: "He has a plan for our family. Before the world was even formed he had a plan for our family. It's all under control."

It's gonna suck if we undertake this struggle again and we don't get the results we hope for. The same cousins who were pregnant while we were struggling for our first are now pregnant with their second or even third baby.

And I'm going to have to see them over the holidays. I SO HOPE WE ARE PREGNANT!

I'm just going to take a deep breath and hang tight. I'm so grateful for the blessing of our son - he has completely transformed my life. I can't ever go back to those dark days when infertility was tearing me apart.

I've got to stay strong. And count my blessings. There are so so many.

Update on FET #2

• My first US and labs looked good. (Although there was some fluid in my uterus. This was probably because I was at the tail end of my period. Hope so. 
• I'm on 10 units of Lupron a day
• I'm on 1 injection of Lovenox a day
• prenatals, fish oil and vitamin D daily
• 2 estradial pills a day
•  

Soon we'll be adding in the progesterone intramuscular injections. I have another appointment for US and labs this coming Thursday. If we are cleared to proceed I'll start the progesterone and we will leave for our road trip to Tennessee on Sunday. Transfer is on November, 15.

I hope we can keep moving forward. I'm looking forward to our road trip. It's a nice buffer between the stress of work and our transfer. I have a few knitting projects and a baby quilt that needs to have the binding sew on set aside to work on during our drive. We also like to check out a few books on CD to listen to. It's a good time for my husband and I to catch up. We really enjoy hanging out with each other. We go out to eat, watch movies in the hotel.

Our son's first birthday is on Thanksgiving this year. I've started to collect the things I will need to bake his cake and celebrate.

Prayers to all of you on this journey. Please pray for us and our precious embryos.

Thank you,

Jill

FET #2 Update

I thought I'd better post a quick update.

We were matched with another wonderful donor family a few weeks ago. All of the paperwork has been signed and turned in so now we have officially adopted more embryos.

It's amazing how we have been matched with three wonderful families. I can't believe it. Every time its a miracle. I still find it hard to believe that there are families out there willing to let infertile couples adopt their remaining embryos so that they have a shot at growing their family.

I truly feel God's guiding hand in all aspects of this.

Our transfer is on November 15.

I started my lupron injections yesterday. I've been on lovenox since I started birth control over a month ago.

Milestone appointments: 

I have an ultrasound on 10/27 to make sure everything is quiet, then another on 11/10 to make sure my lining is building up for our little babies to snuggle in.

Feelings:

My heart and mind are feeling pretty quiet right now. I'm excited, but I'm also guarded. I feel so grateful that we get to try again. I'm praying that my body responds well to the protocol and we are cleared to proceed at each checkpoint.

It really is a small miracle to even make it to transfer day. 

I'm currently trying to go two to sessions of acupuncture a week. I've started to drink my raspberry leaf tea and I'm painfully weaning myself off of coffee. I'm down to one small half cup each morning.


I just need that hot zap of caffeine and sugar.

If you are an embryo donor, thank you!

xo Jill

Appointment update

Our appointment went really great last week. Getting there was the hardest part. I'd forgotten how much I hate flying - and we had a layover on the way there and on the way back. But we made it :) :)

We got our rental car and then we drove from Atlanta to Knoxville, TN. It was nice to finally get in the car and relax. I pulled out my knitting as soon as we got out of Atlanta and we got to chat and relax for the entire drive - about three hours.

(I finished a sweater and a pair of socks last week, so I was very productive.)

I guess knitting's off topic.

I got medically cleared with a few minor caveats. There appeared to be a little bit of fluid in my uterus, which might signal there could be an infection. So I was given a prescription for some antibiotics and told to start that as soon as I get my next period. I also have to start my birth control at that time and then my lovonox.

So in a few weeks I'll be on:

• two types of antibiotics (for two weeks)
• birth control pills (just the active ones until I'm directed to stop)
• lovonox injections (I have to start that when I start the birth control pills)
• prenatal vitamins
• fish oil
• Vitamin D for 8 weeks (blood work done at the NEDC showed that my levels are low.)
• lots of kefir to counteract the antibiotics
• raspberry leaf tea

I can't remember if I'm supposed to be taking anything else?

The other thing that we're waiting on is for our homestudy to be reviewed so that we can start to be matched with another donor family. I'm getting anxious about that. My husband is going to be out of the country for three weeks starting Labor Day and even though we've set up our Skype accounts and that should work for our counseling/matching sessions I'm still hoping there aren't any hold ups that prevent us from making the November transfer group.

I just wish our social worker would get back to us so that I can start to emotionally process that it's going to happen in November, or that we're going to have to cool our jets until January - which would also be okay. I just want to know what to expect. I'll kinda be disappointed if we have to wait, just because I stopped breastfeeding to meet the November deadline, but that's the way it goes.

Feeling incredibly blessed though!!! We are so lucky to get medically cleared. We are so lucky that there are families out there who are willing to let us adopt their embryos.

I'm scared too. Scared to be sad, scared of the anxiety that these treatments bring.

But then there is my son. He's really crawling now and not just army crawling. He's started to say "dada." He gets super excited when he sees a bottle, a banana or a bowl of oatmeal cereal. He loves to eat and eat and eat. We have his 9 month appointment this Friday. He's such a ham! He smiles and engages everyone he sees. Yesterday at the grocery store he was totally "chatting up" the man in line behind us with his smiles and his eyes. He was trying to peek around me to smile at the man whenever I got in his way.

I'm also finished with breastfeeding him. He's 100% weaned, but we still have a supply of breast milk in the freezer. Right now he gets a combo of baby formula, breast milk and real food.

Well, that's all and that's a lot!

Prayers to all of you on this journey.

xo Jill

getting ready

August is here!

We've been busy chasing after our little one. He's been army crawling. He's been bear crawling. He's not doing the traditional crawl yet, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time.

As I write this he's about seven feet away from me on the floor crawling back and forth. He likes to turn, sit up wave his arms, laugh and then start off army crawling again.

Next week is our return trip to the NEDC. We're flying in, spending the night in a hotel and then visiting the clinic for our appointment and flying back the same day. We usually do a road trip, but our work schedules have us pretty booked this late summer.

My mom and dad are watching Logan for us.

I'm excited and a little scared. I hope things go the way I hope.

Sending prayers to all of you on this journey.

xo Jill