19 weeks - baby girl!

We had a level two ultrasound yesterday that went great. We found out that we are having a baby girl. I was stunned. I really thought we were having another boy, but I'm over the moon to have a daughter.

When we had our ultrasound for our son I saw his penis right away. This time I didn't see that, so I wasn't surprised when the ultrasound nurse told us about 3/4 of the way through the exam that she was a girl. I'm so excited!!

I'm so grateful that she's looking healthy and strong. Embryo adoption has changed our lives. It is such a precious thing to be able to be pregnant with our children.

Sending prayers to all of you on this journey,

Jill

7 week 1 day ultrasound

This past Friday we had our first ultrasound and we saw one perfect baby just where it was supposed to be with a strong heartbeat. My doctor did not run the heart rate part of the ultrasound, because he said if he could see the heart beating nice and strong he didn't want to blast our tiny baby with more intense ultrasound waves. So we didn't get a heart rate. But I did get to see this little one's heart flickering on the screen. It was surreal.

I'm currently 7 weeks 4 days pregnant and I'm really feeling it. I've just been so so worn out and I've had some minor uterine tenderness a sore back and just PMS symptoms in general all weekend long.

I think I'm worn out because my husband is home and I've been staying up longer than I was when he was gone to just hang out with him, but it's become pretty obvious that I should just go to bed when our son does.

So that's what I'm doing tonight. I'm writing this update in my PJs.

Thank you everyone for your prayers and well wishes!

We have another ultrasound in a week, then we will get released to my regular baby doctor.

Prayers to all of you on this journey.

xo Jill

Appointment update

Our appointment went really great last week. Getting there was the hardest part. I'd forgotten how much I hate flying - and we had a layover on the way there and on the way back. But we made it :) :)

We got our rental car and then we drove from Atlanta to Knoxville, TN. It was nice to finally get in the car and relax. I pulled out my knitting as soon as we got out of Atlanta and we got to chat and relax for the entire drive - about three hours.

(I finished a sweater and a pair of socks last week, so I was very productive.)

I guess knitting's off topic.

I got medically cleared with a few minor caveats. There appeared to be a little bit of fluid in my uterus, which might signal there could be an infection. So I was given a prescription for some antibiotics and told to start that as soon as I get my next period. I also have to start my birth control at that time and then my lovonox.

So in a few weeks I'll be on:

• two types of antibiotics (for two weeks)
• birth control pills (just the active ones until I'm directed to stop)
• lovonox injections (I have to start that when I start the birth control pills)
• prenatal vitamins
• fish oil
• Vitamin D for 8 weeks (blood work done at the NEDC showed that my levels are low.)
• lots of kefir to counteract the antibiotics
• raspberry leaf tea

I can't remember if I'm supposed to be taking anything else?

The other thing that we're waiting on is for our homestudy to be reviewed so that we can start to be matched with another donor family. I'm getting anxious about that. My husband is going to be out of the country for three weeks starting Labor Day and even though we've set up our Skype accounts and that should work for our counseling/matching sessions I'm still hoping there aren't any hold ups that prevent us from making the November transfer group.

I just wish our social worker would get back to us so that I can start to emotionally process that it's going to happen in November, or that we're going to have to cool our jets until January - which would also be okay. I just want to know what to expect. I'll kinda be disappointed if we have to wait, just because I stopped breastfeeding to meet the November deadline, but that's the way it goes.

Feeling incredibly blessed though!!! We are so lucky to get medically cleared. We are so lucky that there are families out there who are willing to let us adopt their embryos.

I'm scared too. Scared to be sad, scared of the anxiety that these treatments bring.

But then there is my son. He's really crawling now and not just army crawling. He's started to say "dada." He gets super excited when he sees a bottle, a banana or a bowl of oatmeal cereal. He loves to eat and eat and eat. We have his 9 month appointment this Friday. He's such a ham! He smiles and engages everyone he sees. Yesterday at the grocery store he was totally "chatting up" the man in line behind us with his smiles and his eyes. He was trying to peek around me to smile at the man whenever I got in his way.

I'm also finished with breastfeeding him. He's 100% weaned, but we still have a supply of breast milk in the freezer. Right now he gets a combo of baby formula, breast milk and real food.

Well, that's all and that's a lot!

Prayers to all of you on this journey.

xo Jill

getting ready

August is here!

We've been busy chasing after our little one. He's been army crawling. He's been bear crawling. He's not doing the traditional crawl yet, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time.

As I write this he's about seven feet away from me on the floor crawling back and forth. He likes to turn, sit up wave his arms, laugh and then start off army crawling again.

Next week is our return trip to the NEDC. We're flying in, spending the night in a hotel and then visiting the clinic for our appointment and flying back the same day. We usually do a road trip, but our work schedules have us pretty booked this late summer.

My mom and dad are watching Logan for us.

I'm excited and a little scared. I hope things go the way I hope.

Sending prayers to all of you on this journey.

xo Jill

it's a boy!

We had our anatomy scan - I am 21 weeks pregnant - today. We found out that we are having a baby boy, and even more importantly, everything looks normal and healthy. I think I was holding my breath through the entire scan, just waiting to make sure that everything was okay.

I was trying to "read" the ultrasound tech and all of the cues that I was getting from her body language indicated that she was comfortable and excited about what she was seeing. She kept calling our little guy a "peanut" and tried to coax him to roll over onto his back, because he wanted to lay on his side and cover his face during the scan.

My husband held my hand the whole time. His entire body was radiating with a smile. I think I might have been that way too, but my eyes were also fixed on the screen. Now I wish I could go back and relive the scan totally stress free and excited, but I guess there's no moving backwards here - only forward.

I can't wait to share this news with our donor family, I know they will be just a relieved as we are to hear that our baby is healthy and thriving. I just feel so blessed. I keep reminding myself how lucky we are. We are so so lucky.

I kept thinking how technology has grown in the past 10-20 years and how hard it would have been even 10 years ago to be an infertile couple waiting to adopt . . . there are so many more options today. I get to be pregnant. I get to carry our child. I am stunned with gratitude. I would have never gotten the chance to experience this.

I. am. so. damn. grateful.

Praying for all of you on this path. That you find joy and hope. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement.

xo Jill

second trimester

I can't believe that I tiptoed into my second trimester today. I feel so very blessed. I had my first appointment with a regular OB last week, which included another ultrasound. Baby looked great. I was so relieved to see our little one bopping around on the screen.

My brother and his wife had their first baby yesterday. If we weren't pregnant I would have spent large chunks of my day crying in the bathroom at work. That didn't happen, but another sad side effect of infertility did occur: a majority of my family avoided talking to me today.

Not everyone knows that we're expecting and moving away from the black hole of infertility, so they still steer clear of any type of awkward situation that mentions babies and my husband and I.

My brother sent me an email with some great photos late this afternoon and I wished them joy and then shared our good news. I hesitated before I said something, but I was hoping that our good news would make him pity us less. It did the trick. I'm sure they are back in their own family bubble at this point and have forgotten our news as they care for another tiny human being- as is probably very, very common with all first time parents.

I can't wait to be there myself.

We've pretty much told everyone that we wanted to tell about our pregnancy and adoption at this point. The rest of my extended family will only hear that we are pregnant, but not the intimate details. We plan on being open with our child about their very special beginnings and have shared with all our immediate family.

I may share more later, but for now I feel at peace with everyone we've told.

Wishing all of you strength and endurance on this journey.

Jill xoxo

9 week ultrasound

We had our 9 week ultra sound late last week and everything was looking good. The doctor said the baby was sucking her thumb. I didn't know you could see something like that this early. The baby's heart rate was 168 - possibly a little girl?

We feel so blessed to be getting to experience this. I graduate to a regular OB in a few weeks and I'm starting to tapper off my meds. I'm still feel nauseous and threw up a few times at work last week, but this weekend I have been able to keep food in my stomach and I've been feeling good.

Only two more weeks and I'll be in my second trimester. Grow baby grow!

Jill xox

7 week ultrasound

We had our first ultra sound last week. We saw one healthy and on track baby with a flickering heartbeat. My eyes were fixed on that flashing beacon as the doctor made his measurements and did the exam.

We are just so thankful!

Emotionally I am feeling good. Sometimes I worry about our next ultrasound and I had a scary dream the other night that I couldn't find our baby. For some reason I thought she was out on the porch and I actually got up and opened the door, but for the most part my intense feelings of nausea and fatigue have kept me in faith that this baby is growing and thriving.

We have our next ultra sound this upcoming Tuesday. We haven't shared with our families yet that we are pregnant, but we are hoping to share after we hit that blessed 12 week mark.

Blessed with hope, 

Jill xo