another pregnancy announcement

 My brother's wife called and left a message on my phone yesterday.

Which was strange for her.

I didn't want to return the call, because I knew what was coming, but I forced myself to face the music.

They're pregnant.

I'm so happy for them. I guess the hard thing for me is that her pregnancy will follow the exact path of days that our pregnancy would have followed - if our IVF had been even remotely successful.

Just another kick in the pants that makes it hard for me to process mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Getting pregnant wasn't an easy journey for them. She required some medication and hormone treatment because she has PCOS . . . I think they've been trying to a little over a year. I'm happy that they're not in the same boat as we are, but now that my sister-in-law has gone over to the other side of hormonal mom-to-be land I'm still stuck here in crazy-infertile-couple land and it blows.

The holidays are coming up and it just blows that I'm going to have to listen to people asking her what her due date is. Early June 2015.

I cried all last night. Just cried because I'm sick and tired of this. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Of feeling that something's missing from our life - because it is. We're working so hard to try to create a situation that could lead us to be a family. Domestic adoption, embryo adoption and prayer, prayer, prayer.

But God is not answering my prayers - at least not now.

Trying to stay strong and put on a happy face. I'm glad I have a few weeks to make it strong. My brother and sister-in-law will be visiting the first week of November.

Hanging by a thread.

Jillian