first shot down + my husband

Well, we did our first Lupron shot this morning. It was anticlimactic. I'd looked at the bottle and held the syringe so many times over the past week and a half that it was a relief to flip off the little plastic top and jab myself in the belly.

I'm feeling good.

My husband and I have been having a good run of a few weeks where we've been really supportive and affectionate to one another. Boy, infertility can really pull a number on a marriage. I think that before we were struck with infertility my husband and I probably annoyed a few people with our happily married life. We met when we were thirty, got married at thirty-two and just flew into trying to start a family and planning our life together. We were so focused and on the same page.

Then all the pages seemed to disappear from our book because of infertility . . . no they got torn out by a tornado and I've been chasing them down ever since.

Our love for each other carried us through - that and God's grace. We could have just walked away a year ago when we knew things were going to get hard, but we didn't. We had to learn how to comfort one another and how to communicate. We had to grow up. It's been tough, I'm not going to lie, but I know my husband loves me and I know he wants a family more than anything. His support on the sperm donor showed me that. He treated me like a queen during those procedures and the two week wait. He wants us to be a family.

I don't think most guys would do that for their wives - people who know what we're doing have out and out said that they wouldn't do that. (But they are men who already have children.)

So anyhow . . . I've wanted to post a blog about this for a while - how hard infertility is on a marriage. I don't think I really knew my husband until we found ourselves at the bottom of this pit and he held me when I cried and he managed to make me laugh and I managed to make him laugh.

I'm really lucky.