IVF # 1 - waiting and hoping

Waiting has been my theme these past few months as we gear up for our first IVF cycle. We signed our contract this past Wednesday, reviewed our protocol, and our clinic called in our prescriptions. Our clinic runs its IVF cycle two weeks out of each month. Guess when August's protocol starts? You probably guessed it - the last two weeks of the month.

So we're waiting AGAIN to get our protocol started. Ug.

I'm glad I have these two weeks though, because I found out that our clinic called our meds into a pharmacy in Arizona. (We live in Minnesota.) Not sure what's going on there, but I have to wait to sort things out until Monday. Maybe they found me some better prices down in Arizona. I'm trying to be positive here because I'm not too impressed with how my clinic has handled this part of the process. I'm not someone who needs her hand held, but I am someone who would like to know all the facts, doses, fees, etc.

The IVF coordinator said that she would email me on Thursday a list of instructions and that list has not arrived. I would just like some follow through. Don't say you're going to send something and not send it.

Luckily I am very impressed and confident with the lab people and my doctor at our clinic - those are the real miracle workers. I guess I can handle a few email and prescription glitches. We are not down to the wire yet.

I was talking to my sister on the phone last night and I told her how much this first IVF cycle would be costing us - we're guessing around 11 to 12 thousand dollars and she said:

"It's that much for one? I thought is was that much for three?" Then she said: "So you could spend 36 thousand dollars trying to have a baby?"

I wanted to scream "duh! Duh! Duh!" But I just stayed calm and confirmed her estimate. When I got off the phone with her I was kinda depressed. Even the closest people to us have no comprehension about the emotional and financial costs of these treatments.

And is may not even work . . .

Believe me, I haven't been all doom and gloom this week. I've been pretty positive. I've even been dreaming that we are pregnant. I had two dreams this week that I was pregnant. In one of the dreams I was pregnant with twins. In the other I was holding our baby. I think this is good news. I think my subconscious is finally starting to believe that we will be parents.

Every day I just say to myself: "IVF works." Because it does. And whenever I say that I feel a surge of positive energy course through my system.

I had my annual exam this week and my doctor was also very positive about IVF. She said: "You're going to get pregnant." Two years ago I would have been nodding my head and smug, at that moment I was quietly subdued and hopeful.

I won't count my chicks until they've hatched, but I will hope and pray with all my heart for them.

Sending love:

Jillian